First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
