she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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