EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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