these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
