do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
