the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
