What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize