if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
