well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
