forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
