ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
