Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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