She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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