And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
