when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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