I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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