i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
