Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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