this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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