I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
