you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
