I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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