i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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