Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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