he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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