At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
