I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
