life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
