Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
