I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
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do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
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I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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