They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
