So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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