you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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