I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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