Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
