he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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