I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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