there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
