Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wish there were birth control emojis
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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