So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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