My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
