so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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