We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
