We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
