hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
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I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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