i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
