I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
