By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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