Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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