Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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