I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
