everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
