my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
