I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
