I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
