You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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