He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
