that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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