hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
