I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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