but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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