A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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