I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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