the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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