haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
