How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
