yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
