My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
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is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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