you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
