you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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