So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
