The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
