I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
