is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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