For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
