STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
