There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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