Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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