They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
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Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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