My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
