: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
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The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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